these past few months have gone by
in a frenzy of opportunities,
both missed and taken
(in honesty, that is more or less all of life defined).
i have come to realize certain things
about myself by being in the place i am now.

sometimes i find myself caught up in
the slivers of day-to-day life,
with all my responsibilities bluntly chopping down
all hours of the day.
i also find that no matter how hard i try,
i turn inwards in times of distress,
looking nowhere for comfort and help.
it really has been an education of the utmost
lack of reliance,
a method education and a repetitive education
brought by circumstances in my life early on
(as we all do have our past; yes, even you, readers).

perhaps my inimitable disregard for
caring about...caring about me
is making me so tired and helpless,
unable to sleep at night,
and in general being in complete destruction mode,
much more so than i have been in a long time.

i have had quite the time of my life this first quarter,
and i think ever since i last wrote here,
i have needed nothing but what is around me
to take care of things.
but now the times has come to put these
far-fetched and harried words together
to remind myself why i even exist.

everyone is a product of those who love them,
regardless of how you think you may not care.
we are all empty aluminum cans,
being recycled all the time,
crumpled by abrasive pressure and reshaped to
beautiful, rounded lines by cooling pressure.
i am a product of those who love me as well,
and i think i forget that sometimes.

maybe one day i will be able to stop these
inexplicable delusions of invincibility,
this dream of being a modern-day oedipus,
on a journey of self-realizations and fate.
i hope that day comes soon,
because i fear my body might not last too long
if i keep at it.