sometimes i see everything
i see the blinds
i see the leaves drenched on the ground
displayed quite damply by a soft light

i see the soap in my bathroom
in its urgency to be used
it seeps through the opening
just a little bit every time

i see the folds of my pillow
trying to be the folds of amy's pillow

i see all these things
and for some reason
i feel all these things

can someone really feel what they see?
it doesn't make any sense
but thats what i describe it as

in a not so usual world
all these sights become things
they become themselves
but more so

and i sometimes tune into that place
and i get the feeling that
the world is trying to say something to me

its so...poignant and forceful
it doesn't make sense to me
but everything looks beautiful
and i want to be connected to these things

all the outlines that define what we perceive
they don't mean much
they just blend in and soak me in
being.

i wish someone could be me
just so they would know
that i am not just living

then at least there would be some sort of
understanding
or at least a detente of sorts

i guess this makes me sound out of tune
but i really am not
i get these rushes of wanting to be all at once
and i can't help myself

maybe its love

when was i happy?

the warm days of summer
playing outside by the apartment
we called "home"
in all it's stucco glory

messy, sweet-scented verbenas
cast alongside pavement
behind the pool that we jumped into
and frolicked so effortlessly in

people define happiness in their own ways
i admit that i am happy now
sometimes obliviously so
but is trying to have it all keep us
from being pure at heart?

i sit on my bed at the moment
lacking in concentration
which i will be punished in paper form tomorrow

everything is quiet
and the translucent light of my lamps
almost twin-like in their yellow energetic ways
throws a pitying darkness over
the bundle of clothes and school things on my chair
as if trying to create
a lack of loneliness next to me

but it is merely a trick of light
and beyond my eyes
i know in my heart
that right now
i could very well be alone.