"i've been selfish and full of pride/

and she knows deep down there's a little child.

but i've got a good side to me as well/

and it's that she loves in spite of everything else."

what a suspicious day

i suppose there are congratulations to be had

we'll get there in a moment

first i would like to say

that i cannot comprehend what it is

that makes me this unhappy this much of the time

and every time that i feel like

perhaps things are great,

or even greater than what i could do with,

im left barely stooped and surrendering.

"someone send a runner through the weather that i'm under/

for the feeling that i lost today."

i wish you all the warmth from the sun

and the happiness of your very own universe to keep

that's all that i have strength for today

so i guess take it or leave it

well

in the aftermath of boards

i've learned a couple things

one is that i lead a fairly bland life

two is that i can actually drink way more than i used to

three is that san francisco is unceasingly cold

sometimes at night

i will walk towards the marina

and all its twinkling splendor

(the lights are dimly blanketed by the water

and it is simply beautiful)

 and i just sort of exist

for a time being

i guess i'm still not really sure what i want

it's sort of weird

living this haphazard life

with very little to do

anyways

i'm essentially just making excuses

for my dear readers as to why

i suck at life and writing about life

because i think i could fall asleep

looking back at my own past

here's a song that i really like:

i would learn it but my french accent isn't up to par 

I scrape the dust slowly off my brow;
in the practice of contorting
my brain to dream-like proportions
I need a bigger space.

My watch keeps on not ticking to the
week before-hand, a jest towards the
infallibility of wishing for
the things we had known.
_____________________________________

So when all the noise has gone
I can begin to focus on what I touch.
There are classes and castes for all my
wrongdoing, and it's much
simpler to categorize when
all these belongings are left open
and pure, to see better.

A man writes something in
charcoal black; perhaps it is his
life story and the
words only make sense in
that sombre scratch.

I have endeavored myself to
a dark navy: the shade of a vast ocean
where crumbs dissolve 
and
I can rarely venture
and  
which I sometimes have longings for.


Each cut on the wooden wall
becomes a small memento of some
destructive mind, and what they would
not realize is the dense, unforgiving permanency
of this minute slip.


There is a silent couple in love
and line.
He wraps his fingers around her
fingers and for a minute he can
grasp the very fabric of her life in
the forgotten bloodstream of her digits.
 

only have three days left before boards

then i will go berserk with my words and my fury

"oh little spiders/

where will we find her?

here in my little boat/

that which i had made to float."

i fear my self-confidence is dwindling

and my proxy is disappearing in a drought of value

people make life so intriguing

you want proof?

suck it:

"i know that things can get really rough/

when you go it alone"

what should i say i'm looking for?

there is a time for me

and you

and everyone else

all i had for a while was "no"

that was so easy

and even though it was empty of possibilities

at least i could drink up the ocean

and soak in the cold

but now that i find

i can't face myself when i close it up

it's pretty obvious that

life is more than i need 

of course there are things that i want

but there are more important things as well

i can only be as good as i can live it

and until that time

i will just keep being me

and maybe more so

that way i can be that person

on a side note

i think tonight will be a good night

to let out my semi-inner music obsessed out

just for a little while

time to start the buying/downloading!