"it's only a matter of time"

if only

"I believe it's true 'cause nothing matters/

when I'm all wrapped up in you"

pretty, and pretty haunting, too

okay i'm done kicking myself to my bed

i'm just gonna put on some fleet foxes and call it a night

i mean technically i'll be studying implantology

but you know what i mean

i guess at some point everyone gets tired

of being tired of themselves

when you take apart our hands in reverse

looking like every universe has just exploded

 and falling quietly into the night

it's like waiting for the slow backwards rolling

of that one incessant thunder

of maybe some beat from afar
as the stick moves up and down out of our hands

and you wish it would focus into view faster

and this piece would crack right in

but that waiting

and living in the quiet separation

of my breath towards the door

by the unruly lights that smell so focused

the wanting of an idea that seems universal

and maybe even everyone else is wanting

and that is the wanting you are looking for

 and there isn't even a word needed for it

so apparently my brain has decided

that i wont get anything done today

which is...moderately important to my near future

not so much so that i'm actually worried enough to do something

about it but not so little that i'm actually not worried enough to

maybe do something about it

we still have a couple of hours left of worktime

so we will see if anything happens

by the way

did you know it's quite difficult to be a new pet owner?

poor protocol

i wish i could let him out more

 but until he learns that poop belongs in one place

and that not everything is for eating

i can't let him around the apartment

just my room

in other news

i think i have my voice back

after about a week

finally i can annoy myself again

nothing denotes a good nap

like the lack of a memory

a big drool stain

the "waking terrors"

and the sound of your newly acquired rabbit named "protocol"

eating hay and watching you being stupidly human

friday night! 

so the first single of the new

motion city soundtrack album "go" came out today

and as per usual

i will be disappearing inside of this song

for a couple of weeks

so if  you need me,

feel free to knock and i'll get right back to you

oh, here it is by the way

another week gone

time has taken its toll on me now

and as i sit here studying for some test

i try as hard as i can to sing along

to the song that i play

but the scratchy whispers are all that my throat allows right now

 i kind of get tired of dreading things

 

so i'm feeling sick for the second time

in about 3-4 weeks

maybe it's the little critters in my body

going all batshit to my cells

but i've been in a very unusual mood lately

i can tell i'm not my normal self

because i just listened to bright eyes

and when i listen to bright eyes

i know that i'm fucking around with my own mind

weird ain't it?

when is someone going to cure the cold?

it's just as everyone feared

nothing really changes after all

i'll still go crazy for black nail polish

a quick wit

and the messiness that i can't clean up

but sure can fuck up some more

you don't have to sit there and tell me things can/will change

i know they can't/won't

but i live like this so that it's okay

why wouldn't it be okay?

we are just specks anyways

and after we all turn into ash

or bones

or whatever you want to be

we won't be matter

this is the clearest

"who gives a shit"

i've done in a while

 

when i first saw this

i legitimately think my heart stopped for a second

because it was so...beautiful

 

couldn't sleep last night

jotted down some things while they were still in my mind:

i don't want anyone's attention anymore;

rub the gritty metals on my eyes

to take away the shine

that might trick your heart into

thinking i'm just another one of you

is there another way to kick this anxiety addiction

without a beating of my body in little forms?

let's cash in on my weakness.

you can grab my new life and

everyone else can have the

dull pieces that don't expire

and improve with age.

there are two words that seem to help

move the world along:

i'm sorry

especially when you both know it

especially when it doesn't need to be said

and yet it is the best way to break the silence

and it keeps everything together

forgiving others may not be easy

but without it

nothing would ever go away

and we couldn't possibly do anything else that's possible

don't be afraid to say i'm sorry

because sometimes

those two words mean so much more than you think