"i think 'let's try redefining beautiful'"

when i come back to a point of my life

i'd like to think that i've changed enough

to have a new perspective

there are still discoveries to be made,

to be sure,

and that both excites me and leaves me apprehensive

but there's never a definite thing in life

so i think that is okay

a promise that i've made a few days ago

which i shall follow through on now

after i've had some time to think:

when i think of you,

i am filled with the splendor of a life yet lived,

the culmination of infinite pleasures to be had in the world

brought to me so unexpectedly and decidedly quick.

i would save every scrap of heart i could manage

and be comfortable leaving it in your hands

to mark and crease for tomorrow's plans,

even though we both know planning might not be your strongest suit.

i try hard with my words,

and i hope they haven't failed me this time.

more and more i consider the following:

this world is such a hilariously odd place to be living in.

on an unrelated note,

i've been working on some things

but i don't want to become a complacent writer

so i'm saving those things for later

when i feel like they're not completely lacking any notable qualities

on a semi-related note,

i couldn't be more complacent about coasting right now

but i can assure you that i am multiple notches above copacetic

in a way i am more incoherent when i am happy

than when i am unhappy

because when i am happy in my mind

everything becomes disconnected and colorful

and there are sounds coming from far away

and i just don't know what to do with that.

reading back on what i just wrote,

it sounds like i am now addicted to hallucinogens.

i can already feel myself sort of losing touch

with the rest of the world

but i'm actually fine with that for once

and i'm just going to be letting myself

be this exuberant for as long as i can

ride it.

my birthday was very very good

and outsidelands was very very good

honestly so many things are going so well in life right now

even when i'm doing nothing i feel good.

this is so good.

i feel very lucky to be this happy lately

i will like to chalk that up for future reference

there seems to be quite an odd disturbance in how i perceive time lately
a lot of fluctuation

i'm not sure what i meant to say with this
but i think that's just because my mind is besotted
how charming

"why do you keep your mind so far away?"

"because it's the only way i know how."