"i've been selfish and full of pride/

and she knows deep down there's a little child.

but i've got a good side to me as well/

and it's that she loves in spite of everything else."

what a suspicious day

i suppose there are congratulations to be had

we'll get there in a moment

first i would like to say

that i cannot comprehend what it is

that makes me this unhappy this much of the time

and every time that i feel like

perhaps things are great,

or even greater than what i could do with,

im left barely stooped and surrendering.

"someone send a runner through the weather that i'm under/

for the feeling that i lost today."

i wish you all the warmth from the sun

and the happiness of your very own universe to keep

that's all that i have strength for today

so i guess take it or leave it

well

in the aftermath of boards

i've learned a couple things

one is that i lead a fairly bland life

two is that i can actually drink way more than i used to

three is that san francisco is unceasingly cold

sometimes at night

i will walk towards the marina

and all its twinkling splendor

(the lights are dimly blanketed by the water

and it is simply beautiful)

 and i just sort of exist

for a time being

i guess i'm still not really sure what i want

it's sort of weird

living this haphazard life

with very little to do

anyways

i'm essentially just making excuses

for my dear readers as to why

i suck at life and writing about life

because i think i could fall asleep

looking back at my own past

here's a song that i really like:

i would learn it but my french accent isn't up to par 

I scrape the dust slowly off my brow;
in the practice of contorting
my brain to dream-like proportions
I need a bigger space.

My watch keeps on not ticking to the
week before-hand, a jest towards the
infallibility of wishing for
the things we had known.
_____________________________________

So when all the noise has gone
I can begin to focus on what I touch.
There are classes and castes for all my
wrongdoing, and it's much
simpler to categorize when
all these belongings are left open
and pure, to see better.

A man writes something in
charcoal black; perhaps it is his
life story and the
words only make sense in
that sombre scratch.

I have endeavored myself to
a dark navy: the shade of a vast ocean
where crumbs dissolve 
and
I can rarely venture
and  
which I sometimes have longings for.


Each cut on the wooden wall
becomes a small memento of some
destructive mind, and what they would
not realize is the dense, unforgiving permanency
of this minute slip.


There is a silent couple in love
and line.
He wraps his fingers around her
fingers and for a minute he can
grasp the very fabric of her life in
the forgotten bloodstream of her digits.
 

only have three days left before boards

then i will go berserk with my words and my fury

"oh little spiders/

where will we find her?

here in my little boat/

that which i had made to float."

i fear my self-confidence is dwindling

and my proxy is disappearing in a drought of value

people make life so intriguing

you want proof?

suck it:

"i know that things can get really rough/

when you go it alone"

what should i say i'm looking for?

there is a time for me

and you

and everyone else

all i had for a while was "no"

that was so easy

and even though it was empty of possibilities

at least i could drink up the ocean

and soak in the cold

but now that i find

i can't face myself when i close it up

it's pretty obvious that

life is more than i need 

of course there are things that i want

but there are more important things as well

i can only be as good as i can live it

and until that time

i will just keep being me

and maybe more so

that way i can be that person

on a side note

i think tonight will be a good night

to let out my semi-inner music obsessed out

just for a little while

time to start the buying/downloading!

the new shins album is coming out on march 20th

i haven't been this thrilled by ANYTHING

in so so so so so so so so so so so so so long

fucking a', i'm so goddamn excited

check out the new single

it's already buried into my heart:

http://simplesong.theshins.com/

i really wish i could write something worth reading

but lately i've been so busy with life and other

stupid shit like that so i haven't the energy

to just sit down and let a nice long idea go

here are some nuggets to consider:

what is there to exclaim that is left yet?

the echoes of alarms and heresy gone by

sit not so still in the membranes of these minds.

i carry the burden of sight between

each hour, and it weights heavily

on my brows as every pair gives

a knowing nod passing by.

my pockets are full and i'm ready to venture back/

to whatever light is out there.

a rumbling, bound to a small aside.

count me into the forays of youthful exuberance;

i have yet to live my life in a way

that turns my past on its side.

i think by now there are discrepancies/

between you and my grey ghost.

possibly, there is some life left in you.

let me know if any of this makes sense to you, readers;

if so, i'd love to get a clue, too.

"I'm sorry if I seem self-effacing/

consumed by selfish thoughts."

i think i'm wearing myself thin again

the nights grow longer and colder

and my eyes sink further in

until i actually start seeing what i'm thinking

what am i capable of?

there are times when i cover myself in color

it's not a distraction;

i catch myself staring out at the city

and the rain makes a good blanket

so that everything about the city is quiet and calm

i need to find a compass

and right myself again

it seems that nowdays

i use music therapeutically

i just come home from school exhausted

turn something on

and let my mind go

i never said i had much to live for

ha

picked up "is this it" by the strokes again

all i can say is

mr. casablancas, it IS it.

now that i've lived a couple more years

i can better understand the appeal

and the hazy, drawling words beneath those badass chords

i am particularly connected to "someday" at the moment

it's tapped right into my lungs

check it out in case you forgot

i stand at the top of the stairs.

it's fucking cold, and the sun is slowly

melting past the hills.

the low temperature always gives me a 

clearer perspective; i don't know if it's

because my body is trying to compensate 

or maybe evolve.

as i step down to the knolls i know,

all the outlines of my life are brought out

to me in clarity.

i breathe the clear air that is substance-less

and hope i don't float away again.

in the back of my head are all the thoughts

that try too hard to get to the front

of my head; my exercise entails keeping the

gates up in case of intrusion.

too often i find myself mumbling aloud

some obscurities of my heart and wishing i

needn't be alone.

"kiss me now that i'm older/

i won't try to control you.

friday nights have been lonely/

take it slow but don't warn me"