"i'd like to tell you that i'm ready for whatever's coming/

but to be honest there's a part of me that loses control."

currently attempting to sing along to the entire

"Go" album by MCS from start to finish

while shyster online shopping

aka

livin' it up

i figured i would just put in words

what has been fast falling inside me for the last couple of days

i realize this may not be the best forum

but fuck, i can only listen to myself for so long

there are very few things in the world that i can't stand

and one of them is not being able to control myself

when i can't stop thinking and letting it all go to hell

without anything happening and closing

i don't like it when i'm not myself

above everything, i feel disappointed with the fact that

i am too weak to just move on and not let things get to me

but i keep hearing from people around me

that "it's not my fault" and

"i shouldn't let others affect me so much"

well what am i supposed to do when my body

doesn't listen and does whatever the fuck it wants

don't read this in a mad voice

read it in a fucking standstill

because i'm not mad

i'm everything but

-press-

in your dreams he is made of these

small, fine bubbles made by the crashing waves.

you put your hand through his outside

to see what he can hold,

and it startles you when your digits whisk

effortlessly through to another side.

then there is a noise, almost an afterthought,

breaking through the spaces left

after your simple test;

you tried to describe it later as not really a song,

because this noise has no concentrate,

and it immediately takes up your whole world

like no music could.

you only wish you had a moment to lay down

before you woke up and really soaked in

whatever whimsy blew up the night,

because you could have sworn

that in the moment you had the chance to listen,

his wistful airs began.