build, breath, dive

as i transition from this life to the next,

i am incessantly wondering what is to come.

regardless of the bold proclamations i make for my future self,

i am just as clued in to next week as the electric blue

lint spouting off my new holiday sweater.

another xmas gone by in a flash,
and the pressing needs of every day life start up slowly.

it has been a while since i wrote here last.
i have been more withdrawn, selfish even,
with my thoughts, going so far as to keep them hidden in ink,
folded over closely in recycled paper.

i have actually written a great deal in the past couple of months;
really i have been building a collection of non sequiturs
in hopes that i can actually pen something that beckons closer inspection.
for a while i re-created moments from a very specific timeframe
of my past, and i actually had fun doing so, although the subject matter
was moderately serious, or as serious as any parts of my life can get.

i am chuckling to myself as i read over what i have managed
to put down just now, because i really have no idea how to say
what i want to say, or perhaps even what it is that i want to say.

i cherish the moments when i am not so disjointed,
when i can just sit down, tweak my mind,
and let things come freely without feeling so...forced.
but as we all know, dear readers, that will happen again at some point
and so neither you nor i should worry so much about it.
until then, all you have to read is this babbling
and nonsense, which does get tiresome after a while.
just stick it out with me.