another year gone by

and this one was a big one

for some reason

i feel like there are a lot of loose ends for me 

as i head off into 2012

i can't imagine what kind of things

will leave me flabbergasted in the year to come

but i'm going to do my best to prepare for

strange, wondrous times ahead

whenever i catch myself feeling down

i like to think that there are happy days coming for me

now, don't get me wrong dear readers,

i still have that realist sentiment deep inside me,

but the way i figure it is that if i don't think it will get better

then i might just disappear for good

there are a couple of resolutions i hope to keep

for the new year:

1. be kinder to myself

2. let things be

3. don't smoke (already 2 weeks in!)

i think if i can accomplish those three things

my life will become drastically better

to be honest,

i'm sort of rambling here

because i can't quite put in words

exactly how i feel right now,

so let's make a recipe:

eric woo (serves up to 2 people)

3 lemons

some leftover warmth from the desert sun

exhaustion (add to taste)

a tinge of sadness

half a hundredweight of regret

bake until hopeful

serve on a silver platter,

with a side of wondering

and a pinch of memories

i think, in the end,

only time will tell whether i will truly be happy again

or if not happy,

at least not dive into fits of despair

every time i try not to be sad (i know, ironic)

i will try really hard not to be such a downer,

if not for myself,

then at least for all those who despise seeing me like this

and besides,

who likes being around party poopers?

i'll never be whole again unless i make something

of myself (in some sense)

have a very happy new year

and i hope that all your future endeavors

are successful;

i hope that all of you out there

who took your time to care about me

know that i care deeply about you, too

and that i wish nothing but happiness

and cool shit for your future

"i'm afraid i tend to disappear

into an anxious state when you draw near.

there is no reasoning, it's quite a silly thing,

but it's the way i've been for years.

so i will understand if you don't stay.

they say i'm great at first, but then the magic fades

into an awful hue of dismal views

and pessimistic attitude."

my dear readers

if you haven't had much to ponder about

or read over for the last...

whatever amount of time,

don't fret

because i most certainly will be doing

one of those long-winded

wrap-ups for the year

sometime between tomorrow and the new year

or maybe sometime after the new year

so

get your popcorn ready

ps

i have been having some really terrible days

so don't expect too much from me

chandler made a great discovery

apparently at night

103.9 plays "mambo no. 5" continuously

what a strange world we live in

ah yes

the love of my life

the home constant

the one that,

in theory,

shan't get away

sometimes i wonder why i bother

feigning indifference

when i know that barely surviving

is hard enough

is it normal to be this way for this long?

but i want to do it anyway:

hello my fellow merrymakers
i hope your holiday season is going well

i don't really have much to say right now
but i do have a lot on my mind
perhaps when i am more capable of
expressing myself i'll get back on it

for right now,
i just want to thank all of you who have stuck with me
these past couple of months
you guys are the best gifts anyone could ask for

until we meet again

a few things that are going on right now
that lets me know the universe is up to no good:

1. on average, nicotine withdrawal withers away 3.4 eric woo's a year.

2. fucking palm desert doesn't even get good 3g.

3. i swear to god, if i see another black rav4 without
a tire cover for the spare, i will curse the nearest living thing,
whether it be a cactus or a grandma.

i think my life is in the genre of "dramedy" right now

"and as i gently sip this drink,
i think about my lack of future/
and all the places i can learn to fall in love."

so i'm halfway done with school
which feels very good
and i feel very good

these last couple of weeks have been like
one giant experiment
i feel myself bursting at the seam at times
and being dragged one way or another
and its been a pretty wild ride

i can't wait for this little break
and to get some fresh air
and to just relax for a second

happy holidays!

"I'm not one to ever pray for mercy,
or to wish on pennies in the fountain or the shrine;
but that day you know i left my money,
and i thought of you only/
all that copper glowing fine.

and i wonder what became of you.
what became of you."

"all the things i remember...
were they worth writing down?

so bury me in memories,
ck1 and tight white t's.
like air guitar, and muscle cars;
with perfect teeth the way we are."

had to throw this out there

quick mental note -
i keep waiting for someone to take a bat
and knock my heart right out of my chest

it's been a very hectic couple of weeks
lots to do and little time to do it

ive been happier than i have been in a while
but not so much so that i feel normal;
every once in a while, i catch myself
exploring the dustier aspects of my attic/brain

im not sure if anything has changed per se
i just keep hoping that something good will happen for me
whatever that may be

my current playlist:
fleet foxes - helplessness blues
beach house - teen dream
the weeknd - house of balloons

sometimes it would be nice if i had someone to talk to

just blather to someone
and they listened to me
about anything

ah whatever
here's a throwback

also, my 4 year old patient in pedo rotation
did a little drawing of me today
needless to say, my hair is kind of long right now:

made me laugh

here are some thoughts on what makes me happy lately:

fruity pebbles

i have moved from the special k to the fruity pebbles
due to several reasons. mainly, they are more fun to look at.
also, they are delicious

i get the sense that my life is lacking some qualities right now
when a. i have to revise a list of things that make me happy,
and b. that list happens to begin with cereal.

i'm hugely into the national now;
they are like cereal in music form.

the other day i said something funny at school
and people laughed.
that was pretty cool.

i think it would be awesome to own a cat
and maybe sit around on a lazy weekend
and watch it do antisocial things while i eat fruity pebbles.

did you know that at the bottom of the paper
that comes in an altoids can,
there is a comic that you can fill in?
i'll show you what i mean:

this is the altoids can with my keys next to them
so that i can prove this is my altoids can
this is the can that has been opened (with all the altoids gone);
notice the paper that is in the can to protect the mints
from the...metal or something

(the previous comment here has been redacted
because so much traffic has been coming into my blog
due to people searching a certain phrase
and it's bugging the crap out of me)
this is the surprise backside to the paper
notice how there is a bubble you can fill in for yourself
to make the situation hilarious
there is a suggestion to upload your "brilliance" on facebook
but seeing as how i don't have a facebook
i'll just post it here and no one will see it and that will be that
finally, the grand masterpiece
the cleverest part of the scenario which i have made for
the crazed scuba diver/radioactive material handler and pencilneck
is that they are both saying the same thing,
except i have added the French phrase "j'accuse!"
which roughly translates to "what is the meaning of this?! i accuse you for your fallacies!"
anyhow, i got a riot out of that
earlier tonight
jeez, i need to get some hobbies or something

if anyone has any suggestions as to improving this comic
let me know!
(echoes)

"what fuels the magic in the meantime/
i know it's hard without a vice.
we need to find a new solution/
an adaptation, a retribution;
if you truly do believe in something/
somehow it all works out."

"for the first time in a long time/
i can say that i want to try.
i feel helpless, for the most part/
but i'm learning to open my eyes.
and the sad truth of the matter is/
i'll never get over it, but i'm gonna try/
to get better and over come this moment/
in my own way.

i so want to get back on track/
and i'll do whatever it takes/
even if it kills me."

"and now we've realigned the edges.
i'm doing very well, i thank you;
all this empathy is starting to wear me down.

i wish i was someone else."