as usual i endeavor to wrap up what an outside observer
might consider the somewhat farcical, sometimes dramatic,
and somehow comical jumble of events that i call my life
right before new years day.
generally i forget much of what has happened because
1. i am incredibly forgetful
2. most of what happens to me is pretty forgetful
but i'll try really hard to mesh together
the "chaotic and twirly" year i lived into
a coherent string of thoughts and feelings
first,
i find it a useful tool to look back at this time last year
to have some kind of comparison as to what my life is like now.
clearly there were things that i knew would happen
and things i had no clue would happen.
i was pretty adamant about staying sulky
and more or less bulbous in spirit for a long time,
trying desperately to figure out exactly
who, or what, i was/am/will become.
it took a long time but i think i may have
at least done a little bit of work on that front
in terms of having a clearer perspective on
who i am;
if not, at least i know what i aspire to be
of course there were months of tomfoolery.
months and months, in fact
and i had not an immeasurable amount of fun
during that period of time.
you and i both know, dear readers,
that i have not been kicking around the earth for an extended session,
but if there is any wisdom that these 23 short years has taught me,
it is that your life will not quite go the way that you planned,
so you might as well accept everything that comes your way
with a resigned smile and maybe some diet pepsi.
well, this year was no different in this regard;
if anything, i gained even more proof of this doctrine of mine
and in a big way.
long story short, i am enamored yet again
and hibernating deeper and deeper into
the season of monogamy
with a girl that beggars belief in so many ways.
she is ridiculously good looking,
as per zoolander standards,
and she is as zany as i am,
sometimes even more so.
i shan't go riffing on this topic for too long,
but needless to say,
this was the defining feel good catch of my year.
the more astute reader will notice that
as of this post,
i will have written 99 posts this year.
i was initially trying to get to 100 to make things more even,
but i decided not to because of several reasons:
1. i did not want these last posts to feel forced
2. i wanted the imperfection to be a reminder
that even though this last year was,in some ways,
quite a mess, it was still such a wonderful time,
opening my eyes to what truly makes someone feel alive.
life doesn't have to be always perfect, or even mostly perfect.
you just have to take what life gives you
and realize that things can only get better.
3. i hope to use this as a reminder to try and stay more diligent
with my posting, so that i can perhaps reach 100 next year.
perhaps i have failed with my attempt to keep things coherent.
i do feel as if i've rambled more than i would have liked.
unfortunately, as it is customary with these things,
i have too many things i want to say
but too little talent to say so clearly and succinctly.
all i can tell you, dear readers,
is that i've learned something important in these
last 5 months (or so) that pat and i have had together.
love pushes us to do what we were meant to do.
it's quite universal, actually, if you look closely.
you will see people doing things that make no sense to you
whatsoever, and yet to them it is all perfectly clear
because they do it for love.
from their perspective, there is nothing else
they could be doing than to re-affirm that
love really does drive us all to be who we are.
take detective lassiter from 'psych' for instance,
who truly crystallized this idea for me.
he is about to become divorced with a woman that he
still loves dearly, and yet accepts this fate,
saying this:
"...it's not about the past anymore; it's about tomorrow.
so i'm not gonna say a word. you know that i want to,
i want to scream to the sky that i would do anything
to get you back. but i'm going to let you go, because
that's what you want. once you walk out that door
i'm going to let go of everything i've been holding on to,
so we can both have tomorrow. bye victoria."
this is a person that is continually irate and irascible,
yet this tiny crack in the gateway that holds his private life
shows that love gives him the strength to do something
he would not, or even could not, do.
i never imagined i would be so moved by something
a character from a tv show said,
a line that is both old-fashioned and unoriginal.
but those who have crossed paths with love
as i have know that love is a part of everyone's history,
and even though sometimes we try to play revisionist
the facts are the facts and things must be said
that have been said time and again.
i fear yet again i have veered off
so i shall right this ship and set sail for the times to come.
i hope that your new year will be filled with great things,
perhaps even life-changing things,
and that you take it all in stride and enjoy it.
happy new year.
as of this post,
i will have written 99 posts this year.
i was initially trying to get to 100 to make things more even,
but i decided not to because of several reasons:
1. i did not want these last posts to feel forced
2. i wanted the imperfection to be a reminder
that even though this last year was,in some ways,
quite a mess, it was still such a wonderful time,
opening my eyes to what truly makes someone feel alive.
life doesn't have to be always perfect, or even mostly perfect.
you just have to take what life gives you
and realize that things can only get better.
3. i hope to use this as a reminder to try and stay more diligent
with my posting, so that i can perhaps reach 100 next year.
perhaps i have failed with my attempt to keep things coherent.
i do feel as if i've rambled more than i would have liked.
unfortunately, as it is customary with these things,
i have too many things i want to say
but too little talent to say so clearly and succinctly.
all i can tell you, dear readers,
is that i've learned something important in these
last 5 months (or so) that pat and i have had together.
love pushes us to do what we were meant to do.
it's quite universal, actually, if you look closely.
you will see people doing things that make no sense to you
whatsoever, and yet to them it is all perfectly clear
because they do it for love.
from their perspective, there is nothing else
they could be doing than to re-affirm that
love really does drive us all to be who we are.
take detective lassiter from 'psych' for instance,
who truly crystallized this idea for me.
he is about to become divorced with a woman that he
still loves dearly, and yet accepts this fate,
saying this:
"...it's not about the past anymore; it's about tomorrow.
so i'm not gonna say a word. you know that i want to,
i want to scream to the sky that i would do anything
to get you back. but i'm going to let you go, because
that's what you want. once you walk out that door
i'm going to let go of everything i've been holding on to,
so we can both have tomorrow. bye victoria."
this is a person that is continually irate and irascible,
yet this tiny crack in the gateway that holds his private life
shows that love gives him the strength to do something
he would not, or even could not, do.
i never imagined i would be so moved by something
a character from a tv show said,
a line that is both old-fashioned and unoriginal.
but those who have crossed paths with love
as i have know that love is a part of everyone's history,
and even though sometimes we try to play revisionist
the facts are the facts and things must be said
that have been said time and again.
i fear yet again i have veered off
so i shall right this ship and set sail for the times to come.
i hope that your new year will be filled with great things,
perhaps even life-changing things,
and that you take it all in stride and enjoy it.
happy new year.
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