i spent a great weekend in san diego,
visiting katie for her
(although technically ours
as her mom wished to play revisionist)
graduation party at a wonderfully remote location,
as well as celebrating her roommate's birthday.
i'm not quite sure why i'm so terrified of
meeting new people,
especially people my age,
especially since i'm not socially inept,
especially since it seems that most people
have a favorable first impression of me,
especially since i'm most likely never going to
see these people again.
i guess i get worried that:
a. people will think i care too little or
b. i actually care too much
(about whether they like me or not).
either way,
i get the heebie jeebies from meeting people in groups,
although i seem to fare better internally
in one-on-one situations.
when i drove back home,
there was some serious rain occurring
on the freeway;
as graceful as the plumes of water
were that exploded out behind the cars in front of me,
the lack of visibility they caused did make me uneasy.
never have i seen so much rain
as i have seen today.
some might say that's irony,
while i call it a paradox.
either way, it was quite odd that the desert
was experiencing such inclement weather.
however, this was the first time
that i finally, actually, understood
why some people find rain so beautiful.
i stepped out of my front door just for a second,
just to see if the rain let up slightly.
the first thing that hit me was the smell
of every single object around me
drenched in water.
the second was the sight of the pavement growing
darker as it soaked up more and more moisture,
as well as the pool of water on the flower beds
and our perennially dry birdbath filling up.
finally, the relentless noise filled my head,
and it reminded me of the sound that
comes from mint's head when i pat her,
like a very satisfying, minute, but audible pat
multiplied by whatever number of watery bits
flew to their demise in our front yard.
these senses came at me all at once, really,
and i was overwhelmed for just one moment,
but that was enough.
i felt this comfort and lack of unease i haven't found
in a long time in that instance.
it left me breathless.
that, i suppose,
is the healing power of water
on the desert-beaten conscious.
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